XF/FreakyLinks] Daddy!: The Barnes File ( 1 / 1 )
by NeithKe
Summary: So...who REALLY is the daddy of Scully`s impending baby? The answer`s in here...


_Attention: This is just a little parody + crossover. Not to be taken seriously or anything. Just laughs, my friends!_ (: 

Derek Barnes sat boredly at the bar, swigging dilligently at a glass full of...well, he wasn`t quite sure what it was full of but the waitress had big boobs. 

"You know, I`m a surfer," He said with a grin as Bubbles the Barmaid leaned over to refill his glass. 

"Really?" She said breathily, suppressing a giggle. "I like surfers...They`re so strong, and sexy, and--" 

"Excuse me!" An impatient voice from beside them made the barmaid jump away in a flurry of fake blonde hair. Derek frowned and turned his attention to the rude bar-goer. She was a petite woman with reddish hair and a black suit that contrasted oddly with the rest of the scenery. The young man smiled; She didn`t look half bad, afterall. "Can I get my drink now?" She snapped as she slid into the stool beside him. 

"Uhmm..Sure," Bubbles said with a breathy giggle. 

"I`ll pick it up for ya," Derek offered, taking a small sip of his drink as he continued to appraise the strawberry haired woman. Shrugging impassively, she gestured toward him. 

"Sure, fine, whatever," She said in a husky voice that made his mind dance. It **had **been a while since he got a good piece of ass.. A moment later Bubbles had brought the woman what she`d ordered: A vodka. Just...vodka. Actually, a whole bottle of it. 

"You gonna finish all that by yourself?" Derek questioned, trying to start a conversation with her. Peering at him over the top of the glass bottle, she took a long gulp and nearly demolished the whole bottle. 

"Yep," She said, her voice made even huskier by the sudden influx of alcohol. 

"So..." Derek started and leaned closer to her. "What`s your name?" After throwing him a sufficient amount of glaring which didn`t deter the younger man, she responded. 

"Dana Scully," She said, taking another, shorter swig of her drink. "What`s yours?" 

"Derek Barnes." He replied immediately, trying to elevate her mood from pissy to..well, fuckable. "Soo..What are you doing in here? You don`t look like normal bar fare." Scully chuckled and ran her fingernail along the rim of the bottle. 

"You *don`t* wanna know." 

"Yes I do." 

"Well, alright," She looked at him incredulously. Derek noticed just then how flushed her cheeks were getting from the vodka and the fact that the first 3 buttons of her shirt were undone, giving him a lovely view of her snowy white chest. "I`m here with my partner. He ran and off and left me AGAIN. You see, I work for the FBI." 

His mouth form a little 'O'. "Oh! Now I know where you look familiar from. You`re partner is Agent Mulder, right?" At the mentioned of the name, Scully took another long draft of the alcohol. 

"Yeah," She said with a snort. Answering the question he was about to ask, she explained, "We`re down here in Florida investigating on of the branches of that all-encompassing, spanning, massive government conspiracy he`s so hell bent on solving." With a shrug, she finished off the bottle and sat it down with a clatter on the bar. When she looked up, Dana caught the surfer looking at her with a little bit more than curiousity. "Hmmm..." She murmured and leaned closer to him, a hint of something flickering in her eye. "So tell me about yourself a little bit, Mr. Barnes." She said his last name like a horny frat boy would say 'All Night Asian Girl/Girl Sex'. 

"Well, uhmm, there isn`t much about me. I run a website called Freakylinks but NO, I`m a not a webgeek. I`m a surfer." He added that last part quickly, as if adding merit to his claim. Who cared if he was telling a little teeny-weeny lie? He really WASN`T a webgeek...most of the time. "I do research on paranormal and stuff, that`s how I know about your partner." She nodded and without a flourish, reached over, grabbed what Derek hadn`t drunk and imbibed it with one swift gulp. Coyly, she licked the last remnants of the unknown drink with her tongue. He gulped and shifted around in the seat, not really wanting to tear his eyes away from the erotic display. 

"That`s nice," Scully said with a tone that really connoted the opposite and leaned back. "Listen, Derek, how old are you? 20? 21?" 

"26," He filled in. She nodded. 

"You like...older women?" She asked, reaching out to run her nail aross the back of his hand. He could only nod affimative. "Well, since I believe Mulder isn`t getting anymore of *my* truth, you`ll do quite nicely," Her voice purred and a slow, cattish smile crossed her face. Derek didn`t care he was gonna be second best...Hell, he was gonna get LAID! 

A few minutes later, the two semi-strangers were out of the bar and heading toward Derek`s flat 2 blocks away. 

When they arrived 10 innuendo-laden minuted later, both were at the point of tearing each other`s clothes off in the street. Scully voiced this thought as she slid her hand down to his butt and gave a slow squeezed. 

"Wouldn`t be the strangest thing to happen with me," Derek remarked and raised his eyebrows at her suggestively. If they had reached the home a few scant moments later, well...the city of Orlando would have gotten a peep show of the free kind. 

He fumbled with his keys, trying to find the right one as Scully leaned up and nibbled against his ear. She knew she had drunk too much too quickly and that she was going to have sex with a stranger. Well, at least he was a sexy stranger. Before they had even made it inside the door, Scully was ripping his bright flower-printed Hawaiian shirt off and running her hands along his abs. 

- - - - 

Nine months later, Scully smiled at the sleeping baby in her arms. It was obvious to her who the father was. The eyes, though just born, already had those peculiar flecks of gold in them and her hair was a sandy brown-blonde. 

"Excuse me, Ms. Scully? Can we please have the name of the father?" Dana looked up and smiled. Mulder and Skinner watched her curiously -- she had kept the father a secret. They both probably thought it was them. Mulder had been her partner in more than one way for a few more times than she could count. And well, Skinner had been a one night stand. A very pleasurable one night stand. 

"Of course," She replied and shifted the baby girl around in her lap. Memories of that night flooded her mind. That was the good thing about younger men, she had decided, that they could get it up more than once a session and finish it off with flying colours. Not only had he been willing to try more things than both of the men sitting across from her combined but he was a HELL of a good learner. A wide grin spread across her face remembering a certain bottle of honey. "Barnes. Derek Barnes." 


End file.
